In which I answer a few questions

I haven’t been to Mass lately, especially on my usual 6:30 PM Sunday schedule with the choir. But whenever I do attend, these particular people ask me the same questions. In an attempt to stop answering the questions and actually do some socializing and singing, I’m answering the following:

You work in IBM, right? The one in Makati?

Yes, I work in IBM, and no, I don’t work in Makati. The one in Makati is another IBM company; I work in one of the buildings in Eastwood. And no, it’s not the IBM Plaza either.

You work the night shift, right? Does that mean you work in a call center?

I’ve had to answer this question since I started life as a corporate rat. I started out answering calls at eTelecare, then went off to Convergys, then moved to IBM. The first two jobs involved headsets, rotating workstations, and variable days off. When I went to IBM, I moved to the morning shift and lost the headset.

Six years ago, someone told me that I sounded like someone from Missouri. I don’t know what she meant then, though I cannot pass off as a foreigner on the phone nowadays. I can still do a mean Rey Langit impression, though. Not that it means squat in my current role.

So, again: I stopped taking in calls in 2004, and could you please lose the accent since I can understand you perfectly, thank you.

So, you’re in HR now? Could you look up my [friend/cousin/nephew]‘s application? Or better yet, could you give him a job?

One of the things I like about my current role is the finality of the job title: System Administrator. It’s as unambiguous as job titles come, and anytime most people hear the words “system” and “administrator” in the same sentence, they say “Uh, OK” and turn to the person next to me. Just like Chat Roulette, though I have never done Chat Roulette and I don’t plan to do so.

Before, though, people could get real pesky. Like that time I told a few persons that I was working in HR. At the mere mention of the words “human resources”, they perked up and asked me if they could submit their curricula vitae to me. It was fun at first, at least until they started calling me to follow up on their applications. I did entertain some of the calls until I realized that it was not in my job description as an Expense Reimbursement Pre-auditor.

Since “Expense Reimbursement Pre-auditor” was proving to be quite a mouthful, I started telling anyone who asked that I was in HR, no I was not in Recruitment, and I worked in Payroll. Quite a good cop-out, actually. Then people started asking me about income taxes, about which my knowledge level is zilch. Nada. Null. Pagh.

Good thing I got transferred to System Administration soon after. And no, I don’t do SAP, at least not yet.

More jejemon madness!

So the “Jejemon Busters”, whoever they are, have already been mentioned on Showtime. Big deal. As much as I hate all sorts of l33tspeak and shallow thinking, I hate hypocrites even more. You know, the sort of hypocrites that spell correctly, but get the syntax and semantics all screwed up.

Here’s an example taken from the Jejemon website:

Jejemon, n.

1) Usually seen around social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply, jejemons are individuals with low IQs who spread around their idiocy on the web by tYpFing LyK diZS jejejeje, making all people viewing their profile raise their eyebrows out of annoyance. Normal people like you and me must take a Bachelor of Arts in Jejetyping in order to understand said individuals, as deciphering their text would cause a lot of frustration and hair pulling.

CAUTION: THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE BREEDING! THEY CAN BE SEEN WRECKING GRAMMATICAL HAVOC ON FACEBOOK TOO!

2) Jejemons are not just confined to trying-hard Filipino gangsters and emos. A Jejemon can also include a variety of Latino-Hispanic fags who enjoy typing “jejejejeje” in a wider context, much to the disdain of their opponents in an internet MMORPG game such as Ragnarok and DOTA.

3) Basically anyone with a low tolerance in correct punctuation, syntax and grammar. Jejemons are usually hated or hunted down by Jejebusters or the grammar nazi to eradicate their grammatical ways.

Here’s my beef with what the site owners posted:

Item 1.

  • OK, I have to concede that “you and me” is the grammatically-correct form, but in an obvious effort to draw the reader in, they used too many words when a simple “like us” would’ve been sufficient.

Item 2.

  • “Trying-hard” is wrong. There shouldn’t be a dash between the two words. Also, “trying hard” is a phrase consisting of a verb and its modifier, not an adjective, as its position before the subject would suggest.
  • “A Jejemon can also include a variety” <– this should be “A Jejemon could also be one of a variety of Latino-Hispanic fags” or “A Jejemon could also be a Latino-Hispanic fag” (notice the singular “fag”, as opposed to “fags”,  in the latter).
  • For all intents and purposes, “Latino” and “Hispanic” are one and the same. Thus, “Latino-Hispanic” is redundant.
  • “Internet” should always start with a capital “I”.

Item 3.

  • “… low tolerance in” should be “… low tolerance for”. I suggest, though, that the author(s) of the work use “low capacity for” instead.
  • “Grammatical ways” just isn’t right. One does not use “grammatical” in this case, since thefreedictionary.com defines “grammatical” as “Conforming to the rules of grammar”.  A better phrase for this context would be “grammatically-incorrect”.

I hope this entry serves as notice to those who fancy themselves to be guardians of grammar, since nothing undermines one’s credibility like a mistake (or a plethora) of one’s own.

Anyway, I’ll be going home now. Hopefully, our Puerto Galera pictures will be uploaded this week. I can’t wait to write about it.

Summer breeze makes me feel fine

I was supposed to write this entry upon returning from Tarlac the other day. As fate would have it, my internet connection at home was not working, and I was too pooped out to even go out of the house and top up my prepaid credit. So, here’s a slightly-delayed entry, somewhat fresh off the oven.

Demonizing the “jeje”

If you’ve been living under the internet version of a rock lately, “jeje” refers to people who type/text like this:

miszMaldiTahh111:  EoW pFuOh!i LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u, PwfoH. crE 2 t3ll mE yur N@me? jejejejeje!

There are countless Facebook groups dedicated to eradicating the “jejemon” menace. I joined quite a number of them, but stopped looking once I realized that a lot of members of these groups were no better than the jejemons, grammar- and spelling-wise. For example, here’s a definition from the “Pinoy Slang Dictionary”:

Jejemon  (je•je•mon): 1 noun. Their the most stupid people in the grammar world.
e.g., pfuthaninha nhiong mgha jejemon kayo… jejeje

Like I keep telling people, more often than not, the label tells more about the labeler than the labelled. While personally, I don’t write nor text like that, I’ve come a long way since my Matanglawin editor days and am a bit more tolerant now, especially since I recognize that spelling, as part of language, is constantly evolving. Moreover, even if the “jeje” disease is fast spreading through the younger ones, I am comforted by the fact that with Richard Gordon’s plan to give every school teacher a PhP40,000 salary and a Kindle each, literacy levels will rise and proper spelling will be constantly reinforced in the classrooms.

Oh, wait. Gordon’s not winning? Dammit.

Maybe I’ll start an “If you never scored a perfect 100 in spelling and grammar in grade school, don’t scratch the jejemons” page in Facebook instead. Because, as you can see with the “Pinoy Slang Dictionary” definition of “jejemon”, grammar hypocrisy is also on the rise. Putangina naman kasi. Hindi na nga marunong gumamit ng “their/they’re” nang tama, napaka-babaw pa ng definition. E kung pag-uuntugin ko na lang kayo, ano?

Up to now, I still don’t know why they call provincial board members “Bokal”

Like I mentioned earlier, we visited Tarlac this weekend. I believe I had eight cans of San Mig Light and a couple of shots of Fundador while I was there, so I don’t know if the vitriol I’m about to spit out is still the alcohol speaking. Then again, I’ve been sober since I spent Sunday afternoon lying in a hammock, so I guess this is indeed a legit rant.

After lunch, I decided to leave the drinking to the elder ones and go inside the house. I caught my cousins watching Sponge Cola on Channel 2. One of them said, “These bands, they don’t really have good voices, they don’t practice their vocals, they let the instruments do the work for them”. The other one said, “Yeah, that guy just shouts.”

Disclaimer: I am not a big fan of Sponge Cola or Yael Yuzon, and personally, I don’t like certain of their songs. But being a guy who does vocals in a band, I do know about all the hard work bands put in during practice. And yeah, we practice shouting once in a while too. It’s hard enough to sing in front of a crowd; singing under klieg lights while playing an instrument is doubly difficult. Try it some time.

Unsolicited advice to my cousins: If you don’t like shouting and histrionics, maybe you should start listening to Hillsong or Don Moen or Gregorian chant or something. Either that, or you could just change the channel.

Anyway, I texted Tina, who was just a few meters away. She’s been witness to some of  my early-morning-in-the-shower vocal exertions, and she replied: “OK lang ‘yan, kuya. Hayaan mo na. Siguro wala silang kilalang nagbabanda.”

I’m just lucky that my girlfriend knows her way around bands, likes noise and shouting and distortion, and doesn’t generalize like my cousins did. Because, I’m willing to bet, if my cousins had known I’m in a band, they’d look at each other and stopped right then and there. I just hope that somehow, they get to read this.

I smell Galera

I’m counting down the days till Jana, Tina, Nonoy, and I board the bus for Batangas and hop onto the ferry for Puerto Galera. I haven’t tasted saltwater since 2008, when I went to Batangas and Subic with colleagues. I was supposed to go to Puerto Galera last year, but forgot that we had a gig scheduled that day and postponed the trip. Later on, I was either too busy or had no money to go out of town.

This year, though, it’s going to be different. For the first time in two years, I’ll be going snorkeling and I’ll feel sand between my toes. Oh, yeah!

…days to go till we hit the beach! Yebbah!

Dito sa Philcoa

After a few weeks’ wait, Point Bee Productions finally sent us the final mix of our first recording with them, “Philcoa”. And all I can say is — WOW!

There are still some tweaks left to do, I think, but overall, the quality of the recording is very much worth the price tag — and Point Bee’s rates are among the most reasonable in the market! I highly recommend Point Bee to bands looking for a good recording studio.

On the same note, I’d like to thank Exegesis Production for giving Brokensauce the chance to play at Genre Bar last Saturday. All in all, despite the lack of practice and obviously-elevated rustiness levels, I’d say we did all right. Hopefully, we’ll record “Diliman Dub” next month and get ourselves one or two gigs, just to keep it flowing.

* Credit goes to Jana for attending the gig and taking pics of Brokensauce in action. You’re the best, bei :)

And now for something completely different

This entry begins with a jeep ride going to work, in 36-degree weather. Ever since I moved to the 3pm-12am shift, travelling in extreme weather has become a way of life, and along with it, the chance to look at things which would have otherwise escaped my attention.

Bumper stickers, for example. Then again, in these parts, we don’t just see bumper stickers on bumpers; we see them everywhere.

I was feeling a bit under the weather that day, so I took “CHANT! AND BE HAPPY” literally. I started singing “Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna” in my head, then… nothing happened. The sun blazed on and I could almost see myself stumbling along in a desert, looking for the next oasis.

Maybe I should’ve sung the “Hare Krishna” thing out loud. Maybe I sang it out of tune. Maybe I should’ve converted to Hinduism, started practicing Transcendental Meditation, sent out metta to everyone in sight. Then again, if I need to do all those things to make me the slightest bit happier, screw it. There’s always the Beam Toothpaste jingle anyway.


It’s amazing/exasperating/infuriating, what a couple of misplaced digits can do. My sister called me while I was riding the jeepney to Cubao, and I missed the call. Since I’m on prepaid and on an unlimited-calling promo that needs you to dial a prefix before the number I want to call, I typed in “238″ followed by my sister’s number, which goes 090BAAXYXXC. However, I got X and Y all switched up, so I ended up calling 090BAAYXYYC. I didn’t realize I dialed the wrong number until I looked at my phone, then I hung up. A few minutes later, the conversation below took place:

+6390BAAYXYYC: baket poe?
Me: Opps, i dialled the wrong number. Sorry.
+6390BAAYXYYC: whats ur name?
Me: I already acknowledged that i dialled a wrong number, what do you need my name for?
+6390BAAYXYYC: (I deleted the message, but the sender said something like “aha! i think i know who you are!”)
Me: Uhm, I don’t follow you. I dialled your number by mistake, so please don’t think that you know me or something. Honest mistake lang.
+6390BAAYXYYC: hahaha!tell dat to the marine!i d0nt kn0w u, but whenever u send msg 2 me i can sense dat u are bitter..i d0nt kn0w why…
Me: Sorry to burst your bubble, but i am not whoever you think i am. I was supposed to call someone else but i reversed a few digits by mistake. In fact, i don’t even know why we’re having this conversation. I suggest we drop it now. Thanks.
+6390BAAYXYYC: fine..bye!

I told Jana about the conversation and showed her the messages. Upon reading the first message, she had this face that said something like Dammit, not another jejemon. Then her colleague Tina commented that it was sort of fun to use English with people like that.

It was anything but fun, though. Good thing I was on unlimited SMS, though; otherwise, I’d end up wasting more than just a multitude of thumb motions.


Ever since I started accompanying my girlfriend on shopping trips, I’ve been bothered by this thought: Who the hell puts holes in their bellies and chests and puts shoes through them?


Then, while walking through SM Megamall this past weekend, it suddenly hit me: Maybe it was more of a social commentary than an attempt at aesthetic value. Like it was saying, People would rather have shoes than eat. Maybe it was telling the would-be shopper, Putanginamo ang daming nagugutom sa mundo fashionista ka pa rin. Either way, though,  I find those displays tacky. And why on earth are all those mannequins fair-skinned, anyway? Isn’t brown good enough?


Presenting: THE DECEPTICONS!

OK. I’ll shut up now.

The Easter Tuesday of the Mind

When I was still in my old team, we used to have Easter Mondays off. I don’t remember if it was a United Kingdom holiday, or it was just for Scotland, but we always had a guaranteed long weekend every March/April, even if the UK is bereft of holidays.

Last Saturday, I was supposed to write something like “The Black Saturday of the Mind”, but fortunately, things made a turn for the better, and we’re none the worse for wear. If anything, there were things that had to be talked over, stuff that had to be heard and understood.

At any rate, I’ve had quite a weekend, not least because there was a lot of stuff that was photo-worthy:

Exhibit A. I don’t know if the Honorable Franz Pumaren had associated himself with the NatDems in the past, being a Cojuangco protege, NPC member and all that, but I never thought I’d see the day when he will appear in a poster with Satur and Liza. I wonder what Mic Narciso, with his “hatred” of all things DLSU, has to say about this. Hehehe.

Exhibit B. I didn’t know whether to be pissed off or be amused when I saw this stand. I’m not a big fan of T-shirts getting all ghetto/ditzy and saying “Bitch” or “Hot Mama” or whatever superlative there may be,  but this one is straightforward — they’ve got shoes to flirt with. They’re just “malandi” and “naughty”. Plus, they didn’t rip off any big-ticket brand, like the MKNY shoes that Heart Evangelista endorses, or used to endorse.

Exhibit C. I love nitpicking, especially when it comes to spelling. The jacket above doesn’t only advertise itself as “GPECIAL”, it’s got gibberish, and loads of it. Wrong spelling + gibberish = more fodder for the Grammar Nazi! :D

Exhibit D. I can’t quite recall when exactly I took this, but it was 2 AM, and I was walking home and Miles Davis’ “Blue in Green” was playing in my mind. The only thing missing was rain, but I was walking home and didn’t want to get wet and risk getting sick again.

So, that was the Holy Week in my mind. There were no self-flagellating penitents nor stereos blaring out Tito Vic and Joey’s “Nang Si Hudas Ay Madulas”, but there was something for every mood.

Saturday in Cubao

Because Cubao is always an interesting subject, I decided to take pictures on the way to the recording studio this past weekend. Here goes:

Exhibit A. A Volkswagen Country Buggy, more commonly known as “Sakbayan” in these parts. My father had one, back when we were still living in Novaliches. It had all the benefits of fresh air — back then, Novaliches was still in the hinterlands, with a creek and ricefields behind our house — and none of the modern conveniences of power steering, backing-up music to the tune of “Fur Elise”, and side windows. Needless to say, I’d like to get one and restore it to its full inglory, along with an old-school Volkswagen Kombi, a Wrangler Jeep, and a 1980s-era Toyota Hi-Ace.

Exhibit B. I saw this stuck on a coconut vendor’s pushcart at the corner of Aurora Boulevard and 15th Avenue. Guess what the good mayor is doing in the picture:

  1. He’s flashing his form on the uppercut.
  2. He’s just had a manicure and is blowing on his nails to dry them.
  3. He’s giving a handjob.
  4. He’s checking if last night’s “PAID” stamp from Encore Superclub is still on his wrist, and he’s taking his supporters there tonight, all twenty of them.
  5. He’s showing off the bling.

No prizes for the person who “gets” it right. :D

ANYWAY, I’m glad the recording of “Philcoa” went well. Many props to Aaron of Point Bee Productions for the patience during the session. Kudos to Enzo for getting the drum track in just one take. Mando also did a good job with the extended solo. I can’t wait to hear the song when the mixing is done!

Bracket-busted

Because Kansas got shocked by Northern Iowa in the Round of 32 (damn you, Ali Farokhmanesh!), I’ll be hoping for an all-mid-major Final Four instead. Yes, Cornell, Northern Iowa, Butler or Xavier, and St. Mary’s. In case both Xavier and St. Mary’s win their Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight and Final Four match-ups, it’s going to be Jesuits versus Christian Brothers, just like here at home. Hehe. :P

Still, I wish this kid’s bracket turns out as expected and Purdue cuts down the nets, just because I don’t like Kentucky at all.

Reposting from Francis Acero’s blog: The Betrayal of the Proletariat

(Note: This article first appeared here, and may also be found in the spoof edition of the Ateneo Law Journal.)

Communism in the Philippines has had a long history, existing before the establishment of the present-day Communist Party of the Philippines. As a meme, the dream of absolute equality among individuals can be traced as far back as 1930 with the founding of the Partido Komunista ng Pilipinas (PKP-1930) in November seven of that year. It survived several attempts of being outlawed during the American period, the Japanese occupation, and during the massive repression by the privileged classes at the beginning of the Second Philippine Republic, mainly through armed struggle that officially ended in 1954.

The meme evolved with the global rise of Maoist ideology in the 70’s, and as the old Soviet-inspired model stuttered in the late 60’s, the Maoist faction began to take center stage as the primary meme through which the Communist ideal is expressed. The PKP-1930 is alive today, but is merely a bad caricature of its former self. Kind of like David Hasselhof in all his new acting roles. As it should be — the Russian model for attaining Communism fell with the dismantling of the Soviet Union almost two decades ago

Today, with the fall of the former Soviet bloc and the abandonment of the disdain for capital in the Chinese politburo, the Communist Party of the Philippines is fighting a lonely fight for the heart and mind of the ordinary Filipino with nothing more than an ideal based on a long-dead idea whose weakest link ruined it from within
and what economically seems to be a baseless promise of a better future.

The failure of Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory can be seen through the lens of the Maoist regime in North Korea (where mass famine is the norm — the government released an information pamphlet on the different ways to enjoy grass while unbeknownst to ordinary North Koreans, top government officials were dining on food aid) and Cuba — Cubans now suffer under the most severe double standard system around, skewed toward foreigners in a country that supposedly is the hallmark for Marxist-Leninist socialism.

This paper looks at how the current standard bearer for communism in the Philippines — the Communist Party of the Philippines – New People’s Army – National Democratic Front (CPP-NPA-NDF) is nothing but pseudoscience shouted from a mountaintop that has systematically betrayed the proletariat, becoming a moneymaking machine for Sison and his cohorts, whose workings support their extravagant lifestyles in the Netherlands and elsewhere. In fact, their living anywhere already constitutes a more extravagant lifestyle than living on the foothills of Mt. Hibok-Hibok, battered by natural elements and elements from the 6th Infantry Battallion, Philippine Army. The paper will also show that the Communist Party of the Philippines today has nothing to do with Communism and Maoism, but is nothing more than a cult religion that seeks to siphon the pockets of its willing victims in furtherance of funding and fiscal gains.

I. Maoism, Philippine Style: Pseudoscience at Work

A characteristic of Philippine communism is that its proponents claim to know everything, and that all other points of view are tragically flawed. This is based on the proposition that on pure sociological considerations alone it is possible to predict human behavior, even if material data to the prediction is missing or is fabricated to suit a favorable outcome.

One of the criticisms of Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory is that like other self-contained worldviews, it purports to contain an explanation for everything and negate contrary evidence and/or explanations with pejorative dismissals.
Other similar self-contained worldviews include Roman Catholicism, which pragmatically blames everything that is wrong on sin, which in itself is left amorphously undefined. Masturbation, for example, widely condemned by the Catholic Church, was said to be the cause of hairy palms, stunted growth and the extinction of half of the indigenous animal species in Newfoundland, Canada.

In fact, criticism has emerged to the effect that Marxist theory and all its derivatives have become grounded on nothing more than pseudoscience, as nothing that happens that is contrary to models predicted by the core arguments supporting Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory cannot be explained by ad hoc theories tailor-made to support the facts. This supplementation of ad hoc theories allows for an infinite number of contradictions to exist within the theory and still make the original, but flawed, theory still viable. Simply stated, even when plainly wrong, proponents of Marxist theories and their derivatives always seem to have an excuse that does not involve the core dogma.

According to the theory, pseudoscience can be seen when the following characteristics, known as the five-fold test, are present in a particular theory claiming to originate from scientific means:

1. Use of vague, exaggerated or untestable claims;
2. Over-reliance on confirmation rather than refutation;
3. Lack of openness to testing by other experts;
4. Lack of progress;
5. Personalization of issues.

In the case at bar, the main line of Communist dogma seems to fit squarely into what may be considered as pseudoscience, using this five-fold test.

A. Vague and Exaggerated Claims
CPP-NPA-NDF propagandists are prone to making vague, exaggerated, or untestable claims when discussing the economy. The 1968 core document says that the end of capitalism is near. That is equivalent to saying Jesus is coming very, very soon in the 2nd Century BCE. In other words, do not hold your breath. Of course, only those parts of the economic picture that fit their worldview are discussed when confirming their many hypotheses. When they are finally cornered with the fact that their economic model has never succeeded, they will tell you that their economic model, by its very nature can never be tested.

Check the website, for crying out loud! Reading it is like watching Eli Soriano on television. If you don’t know any better, you would think they are correct, much like saying I am right because I shout the loudest. I shout the loudest because I have a lot of people shouting the same thing I am. How enlightening.

B. Overreliance on Confirmation
One only needs to go to its showpiece for recruitment — the back alleys of the University of the Philippines in Diliman — to find just how dependent the movement is on confirmation and anecdotal evidence. All over these back alleys are signs screaming decades-old slogans proclaiming the end of the current oligarchy with the name of the current President overwritten on graffiti. You can actually tell how old the graffiti is by how many times the name has been written over.

In other instances, the old graffiti is never set aside, and the new name is simply written below the first line, so as to make the graffiti look like this:

MARCOS HITLER DIKTADOR TUTA
CORY HITLER DIKTADOR TUTA
RAMOS HITLER DIKTADOR TUTA
ERAP HITLER DIKTADOR TUTA
GLORIA HITLER DIKTADOR TUTA

The unfortunate result is that the reader begins to think that the author of the graffiti is an escapee from Mandaluyong. There isn’t even a coherent sentence structure. Some people have hypothesized that this is a code that is supposed to guide the reader to a place where he can find the secret keycard to open the next level in the game. In other instances, the graffiti looks like this:

IBAGSAK ANG DIKTADURANG
US-MARCOS
AQUINO
RAMOS
ERAP
GLORIA

As you can plainly see, there are no further clues to be gained from this section of the walkthrough.

C. Lack of Openness to Testing
Another telling sign on the part of the party is that criticism from within and without is met by disdain and calls for enlightenment. I was once called an ignoramus for saying that the CPP-NPA-NDF was obsolete. There has also been no significant change or progress in the refinement of the core doctrine of the CPP-NPA-NDF since they first called for change in 1968. Holy cow! That’s almost forty years now without a change in the core theory. Not even the Roman Catholic Church is as obstinate as that.

D. Personalization of Issues
Finally, most propagandists personalize the issues whenever they can. Name-calling is a common modus operandi, as is the liquidation of all former party members who have come to develop the doctrine further and who are not named Jose Maria Sison — evidenced by the nomenclature used by Sison and his cohorts in describing those who dissent.

This is supported by anecdotal evidence: “They will call you names if you tell them they’re wrong,” says T., a former radical leftist. “Names like Trotskyite, Slut, Whore, and Puta. Good thing I got out before I got too deep and they’d have to kill me, like what they did to Popoy.” She was referring to the grisly death of urban poor organizer Popoy Lagman in UP, for crimes committed as determined by a kangaroo court. While they denounce kangaroo courts when they issue unfavorable rulings, all CPP-NPA-NDF “courts” seem to be even worse in that regard.

After all, and according to a document recovered from during the Great Purge, due process and basic civil liberties are bourgeois concepts that have no place in a Red State. This is a matter of course. What fun would it be to torture someone who is actually guilty?

II. The Apotheosis of Joma

There are two kinds of personality cults. One is a healthy personality cult, that is, to worship men like Marx, Engels, Lenin, and Stalin; because they hold the truth in their hands. The other is a false personality cult, i.e. not analyzed and blind worship.

- Mao Zedong, 1958 Party Congress, Communist Party of China

The seeming infallibility of the Party policy-makers in the Utrecht on all issues surrounding the party only serves to bolster the hypothesis that there is a sustained focus on the personalization of the Party and all controversial issues that it faces, and nowhere is this more blatant than the apotheosis of its founder, Jose Maria Sison.

To sustain power, Sison has used what counts for mass media in the left underground to fashion for himself a larger-than-life public image that, within the Party, showers Sison with nothing but unquestioning flattery and praise. This sounds strangely like the definition of a Cult of Personality as found in Wikipedia. Coincidence? I think not!

By creating such a personality cult, Sison is able to avoid more complicated questions like whether or not he still has a sex life, considering that the Party retains one of the strictest moral codes among supposedly heathen persons. It also allows Sison to maintain an aura of aloofness not unlike the Pope in the Vatican, who is allowed an aura of infallibility not because he is himself infallible but because he is the last word in the Party itself. Oddly enough, this philosophy of granting the head of an organization almost god-like powers, has its roots in capitalism’s two basic rules:

1. The Boss is always right.
2. If the Boss is wrong, see Rule Number 1.

Substitute the word “Boss” with “Joma Sison,” and you have the basic party doctrine for the Reaffirmist Movement within the Communist Party of the Philippines:

1. Joma can never be wrong, especially about the Revolution and everything that goes with it, including but not limited to the eventual demise of the capitalist model.
2. When someone says Joma is wrong, kill him.

This Utrecht-centric administration of the Communist Party belies any and all propaganda released by the Party that promises greater autonomy and less control from Imperial Manila in the running of the daily lives of citizens. This also allows Sison to escape otherwise damning contradictions on the part of others with regard to himself and the Party; with the Party either ignoring the same or labeling the criticism as bourgeois and unworthy of a proper response. As a result, Sison’s writings, no matter how groundless, are considered as doctrine that may never, ever be questioned on pain of death.

If by reading this article, you see a man on the street giving you the evil eye, and the man approaches another on a mosquito motorbike with their facial features well-hidden, this author suggests you run and hide and once the hit squad leaves, report the incident to the nearest police station.

III. Communism, Inc.

The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them … To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then, when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed, to deny the existence of objective reality and all the while to take account of the reality which one denies – all this is indispensably necessary … For by using the word one admits that one is tampering with reality; by a fresh act of doublethink one erases this knowledge; and so on indefinitely, with the lie always one leap ahead of the truth.

- George Orwell, 1984

At its very root, Communism is defined as an “ideology that seeks to establish a classless, stateless social organization, based on common ownership of the means of production.” That is a textbook definition of Communism. This is of course, differentiated from Communion in the Catholic sense in that where Communism is an ideal goal for mankind, Communion is what St. Thomas More took before divining the ideal world he found in Utopia (no relation to the fraternity).

This statement is nothing more than a political goal that is as broad and ambiguous as the terms “heaven”, “hell”, and “world peace.” Everyone knows that Communism is just an ideal that people eventually will want to reach. It’s just the getting there that’s difficult. The devil is of course, in the details. Because of this ambiguity, many so-called communist leaders have offered divergent paths to the attainment of this goal, with some paths being more violently assertive than others. Usually it’s the more assertive individuals that get to rule. Mao did say that power comes from the business end of a gun. Leon Trotsky, who disagreed with Stalin because of his more orthodox views, has his name live on as a pejorative for someone in the left who just “doesn’t get it.”

If anything is common among them, it is the exhortation that the oppressed, no matter how few they may be in number, must always be the center of advocacy. When, as those who wish to bring about a change in the system, such that the former bourgeoisie are beneath or on at least some similar level as the proletariat, there is nevertheless a feeling of resentment at the loss of what is perceived to be material wealth fairly gained among the said bourgeoisie. This resentment and favoritism towards those formerly of the proletariat reveal that in such an altered society, the former bourgeoisie are now a class below and victims of mass resentment, if not reprisal against actions they may or may have done against the said proletariat. If the oppressed are the center of the advocacy, then a role reversal where the bourgeoisie become the oppressed creates a dilemma: if one were to side with the oppressed, in this case, the bourgeoisie, then that would be siding with the former oppressors, which is in itself unforgivable.

To erase the possibility of the creation of another oppressed class by the formerly oppressed, the convenient solution, as with all of fiction, is to kill the character that causes the discord – in this case, the bourgeoisie. Even the progenitors of communist theory, Marx and Engels, have pointed out the impossibility of finding the path toward the utopian future of which they speak without resorting to this convenient deus ex machina (quite literally, God through a machine – a plot device that lets the resolution of the conflict come from a machine). In this case, the machine is a gun killing all those who may be oppressed in the future. After all, isn’t it more humane to put one person out of his suffering than to expose him to the fact of his entire family wasting away in some gulag just because he can think.

This doublespeak, as it were, is a convenient forgetting of harsh reality that is contrary to what is expected or hoped is an essential ingredient to the uniquely Philippine brand of Communism that is derived from Marxist-Leninist-Maoist ideologies. A document purporting to be from the Communist Party of the Philippines proclaims Maoist theory to be the most ideal form of Marxist theory and thus the way to go with the then-proudly proclaimed impending fall of Western capitalism, which obviously hasn’t happened. Duh. As a result, the often contradictory stances that Communist dogma takes as a result of this postulate sometimes makes for sweeping policy reversals that are often summary, harsh, and ultimately superficial. In fact, the history of communism is one littered with attempts to create a unified society, with nothing but scorn, contempt, and death for any and all dissenters, even if the dissent is studied and noteworthy.

Communist propagandists will tell you that the human sacrifice thus made was a necessary tool for maintaining social order, because in maintaining social order, the dignity of human life plays only second fiddle. Did I mention that only the evil and hateful capitalists are capable of taking the dignity of human life away from the common man? Of course, only the Communists actually care about you and me. As history is written by the victors, and the victors in each and every case laid down here have, in their own fashion in order to preserve the ideology of the “revolution” itself, whitewashed instances of these purges – these fanatical, reactionary, and paranoid actions – by calling them “creative works of the capitalist propaganda movement” or “closed chapters in the history of the Party with those responsible already put to account.”

Criticisms falling under the former category are subject to outright dismissal, because anything produced by the evil businessman, no matter how true, grounded in fact, or scientific, is false; while those in the latter are simply ignored. How exactly, those responsible are put to account is not clear and is included in the whitewash. What is clear is that if the purported abuses were to have happened with the government as the perpetrator, the Communist Party of the Philippines would waste no time in calling for the resignation of those duly elected as a display of command responsibility. On the other hand, the Politburo in the Netherlands has remained practically unchanged since the beginning of their exile.

Nowhere is this doublespeak more apparent than as regards human rights, the Communist Party of the Philippines maintains that it places human rights violations at the top of its advocacy. Considering classical Maoist tactical strategy, it makes perfect sense for the CPP-NPA-NDF to align itself with human rights advocacies. Chairman Mao himself was never above using his friends and comrades to make himself look better even though he was the person primarily responsible for the failure of the Communist Party in China to make any significant headway vis-à-vis other socio-economic models.

You know the Pointy-Haired Boss in Dilbert? The one who takes all the credit if something goes right and none of the blame if anything went wrong? Chairman Mao, according to many sources including those who knew him best, was like that. Of course, the followers of the Marxist-Leninist-Maoist theory will never agree to that assessment, partially because of Mao’s enduring cult of personality. Someone even tried to build on that cult by creating a Chinese restaurant in Robinson’s Galleria based on the late dictator. Like the Great Leap Forward, the venture in Hunan cooking failed after only a few months.

It is then obvious that the biggest contradiction facing the Communist Party of the Philippines is that while it denies everything related to being capitalist, its advocacies and workings all have the hallmarks of State Capitalism. State Capitalism is defined as an economic system where the State is the prime owner of the modes of production.

For as early as the Party has been in existence, the Party has engaged in capitalist activity, where the primary source of revenue for the Party has been through the sale of illegal drugs, primarily marijuana. This is because marijuana and other soft drugs raise money rather quickly, considering its widespread use in the counterculture underground in which their urban operatives move and enjoy a rather large influence. The secondary source of income for the Party is the collection of revolutionary taxes, which is in the form of rent-seeking and extortion —at reminiscent of American organized criminal organizations, disguised in the form of protection services offered to those affected. This is evidenced by two facts:

1. Instead of being smuggled into China, as were the rest of his comrades, Sison was smuggled into the Netherlands, where, up to this day, marijuana possession does not warrant a bullet to the head.
2. The known major growth areas of marijuana in the Philippines are located in alleged CPP-NDF strongholds; specifically, the hinterlands of Benguet and Bukidnon.

Later, Russian apparatchiks operating in Afghanistan would use the same strategy in the Russian occupation of Afghanistan by using whatever arable land there is in the Afghan desert to cultivate opium poppies, with much success. The Taliban further utilized this success when they started creating their own business model, and now Afghanistan is the world’s leading supplier of opium.

To this day, government has been slow to catch up. According to recently released declassified documents, the National Bureau of Investigation launched its investigation only in 1997 after successfully decoding a message transmitted through Manila radio station DWNU 107.5 on public air. The message, allegedly from an American band called Cake, contained the message “How do you afford your rock and roll. Life. Style?” The investigation eventually fizzled when it was discovered that the lead investigator was connected to the Chinese People’s Liberation Army and was using funds derived from his association with the same to fund a shabu habit. Nevertheless, the connection remains, and marijuana use has always been central to Party dogma.

Indeed, a source from High Times has an unconfirmed report that the National Democratic Front, facing a severe cash shortage as a result of increased resistance to the payment of revolutionary taxes, which, in turn came about from territorial gains on the ground from newly equipped government forces and Islamic jihadists, was forced to turn to several persons in the West for funding; in particular, rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg, who in 1996 negotiated for the purchase of a minority stake in the National Democratic Front, who insisted on the official name of the united front of the Party being changed from National Democratic Front to Nasty Dope Fiends, with seats in the Politburo in the Netherlands automatically assigned to Snoop Dogg’s posse of Long Beach Crips (LBC), with control over local operations to be overseen by above-ground members of the Crips playing as imports in the Philippine Basketball Association.

However, when the CPP sought to enforce revolutionary taxes on the Crips members in the Philippines collecting on their share in the marijuana sales, an intense gunfight ensued in the mountains of Mt. Guting-Guting in Mindoro that placed heavy casualties on both sides. Eyewitnesses to the incident have reported shouts of “Westside!” and “Mamatay na ang mga egoy!” ringing throughout. The incident caused a great deal of embarrassment on the part of the United States embassy that news of the incident was suppressed for fear of international recrimination.

The CPP-NDF has also been used as a tax shield for Joma and his fellow exiles in the Netherlands. Under the Welfare State provisions in Dutch law, the giving of money and other possessions for the disposal of a non-profit entity, no matter where and how organized can be deducted as a loss from personal income, and any money received from such organizations cannot be counted as income. This has allowed Sison and his ilk to launder, according to some estimates, an inordinate amount of money sourced from revolutionary taxes and drug sales. In turn, this has allowed Sison to live a lavish life of luxury while his cadres facing the government in the trenches have to live in the forest, often starving for lack of available food.

IV. Conclusion

In the final analysis, the Communist Party of the Philippines has betrayed the interest of the common person by exploiting the ignorant and poor to support Sison’s lifestyle in the liberal Netherlands. Sison achieves this by creating a corporation whose main objective is to obtain money and other property from private individuals in the guise of “taxes” and should they refuse to comply, extort money from them through any violent means necessary. No one is allowed to question this doctrine and other pronouncements from Utrecht under pain of death, even if the doctrine in question has been proven to be false by unanimous acclaim throughout the world; even if no one really cares whether they win or lose outside of the Philippines. In fact, inside the Philippines, no one cares, especially in Ateneo. Besides, everyone leaves the “movement” once they begin to have children.

Hilarity ensues.

I was supposed to write about Chick tracts and parodies today, but thought that they already have a following of their own. So, I’ll post something I saw while walking around instead.

While making my way to Starmall to meet her last Saturday, I can’t help but notice this little stand inside the department store. Like Mando says, it is SO wrong, on ALL levels.

Roll me another blunt